If you are LGBTQ+, you likely had an additional layer of disappointment, rejection, and challenge in addition to the regular childhood hurts. Some of the most harmful disempowering unconscious patterns come from:

  • When either of your parents don’t accept you for who you are.

  • A traumatic departure from your parents’ home.

  • If your community, your place of worship, or your school mates rejected you. 

  • Pretending to be straight in order to be accepted.


As a child, you may have been scared that you would lose your parents’ love. Or maybe you rejected yourself because you thought you were unlovable, too different, or morally flawed. Or perhaps you attempted to try to be more acceptable to others. Often, LGBTQ+ kids are starved to be validated…to be told, “You are perfect the way you are, you are so lovable, you are a gift.” Often, there is a deep wound and a seeking of outside approval. This often manifests itself in the pursuit of success, popularity, or multiple sexual partners. The belief is that when these things are achieved, you will feel better. But it’s not so easy. At the root of the issue is shame, a toxic and heavy “man-made” emotion. Even if you are evolved, have had therapy, and worked on yourself, you may still be carrying shame and not even be aware of it. It can often be disguised as a bad temper, cynicism, overachievement, addictions and other negative patterns. Shame is one of the reasons that addictions are rampant in the LGBTQ+ community. Often, the pain is so high that it feels like the best option is to numb out with drugs, alcohol, or other addictions. When we combine shame with physical or sexual abuse we end up with quite a cocktail of issues. 

Now, keep in mind that when you get into a relationship with someone, what’s actually happening is that your childhood programs are getting into a relationship with the other’s childhood programs. When we are not aware of our programs, it can become a real mess. 

I typically recommend an RTT session to deal with deep LGBTQ+ issues. With RTT, we work together to identify the sources of hurt, shame, and trauma. We deactivate it, neutralize it, and eradicate it. We install feelings of self-acceptance and confidence. A lot can be achieved with one RTT session, but if you have deep shame and/or trauma, I suggest the 90-day package so that we can really go deep and pull it out by the roots. Also, it's never a bad idea to start with a 60- or 90-minute coaching session.