Succeed When Starting Something New

Are you interested in starting something new but feel some fear or trepidation? Or perhaps you’re procrastinating? Or maybe you’ve already started, but you’re having some doubts. Here are some guidelines to succeed when starting something new. First, let’s start with why it’s important to start new endeavors.

If you want a fulfilling life, it’s essential to keep growing. If we’re not growing, we’re withering. At any given moment, we’re either expanding or contracting. And doesn’t it feel better to be growing? Isn’t that why we’re here? So, how can we make sure we’re growing? Starting something new is a great way. Especially if it requires us to move out of our comfort zone because this leads to new neural connections in our brain, which are crucial to brain health.

What can derail you? Many people fail when they start something new. Often they give up before they’ve had time to get traction. Or worse yet, they might not even try. Self-doubt often leads to this lack of success.

Self-Doubt is the first obstacle. A part of you might doubt whether you can do it. There may be a part of you that wants to protect you from making a mistake or looking bad. This part tries to convince you not to embark on something new.

This little voice many of us often hear is called our saboteur or inner critic. It usually gets very active when we’re about to move out of our comfort zone (when we’re about to grow).

Self-doubt typically begins in childhood. Our fears are often first imprinted before the age of seven. Let’s say you were on the playground and showed some kids something you learned. Perhaps they made fun of you. This could have resulted in uncomfortable sensations in your body (maybe your gut was churning, or you felt heat in your cheeks,

or another sign of embarrassment). This gets wired in and reinforced anytime you feel ridiculed, diminished, or dismissed. Therefore, when you think about doing something new, even though rationally you know you want to do it, your body may experience one of these sensations. You may then find yourself pulling back. We often refer to this as self-sabotage.

Of course, we want to receive an inner warning to prevent us from doing something dangerous. But often, this inner critic or saboteur can prevent us from taking steps toward something we know is a good idea. So, if you hear this inner critic and know what you are about to do is something you want, this voice could indicate that you’re moving in the right direction, toward achieving your goals. Why? Because most personal growth lies outside of your comfort zone.

If you notice this little voice inside, trying to scare you about starting something new, you might ask, “What’s your positive intent?” Maybe it wants to protect you (from doing something less than perfect). Or perhaps it wants to keep you small because it thinks that’s safer.

Overcoming Self-Doubt and Achieving Your Life Goals

It’s a good idea to make friends with your inner critic.

Chances are, your inner critic has a reason for speaking loudly. If it tells you you’re lazy, it probably just wants you to be successful. If it yells at you for making a mistake, it probably just wants you to have high standards. If it tells you to stop being an idiot, it’s likely just scared you won’t get it right.

You can choose to thank this part of you for its positive intention. And give it a message of appreciation. That message might be, “Thanks for looking out for me, but I’m okay. I want to do this.” Or, “I’m going to ask you to warn me only if I’m about to do something dangerous.” What’s important is that you make friends with this voice inside. Acknowledge it and thank it. Then notice what changes.

Before you set your life goals, consider how you want to feel as you’re moving toward your goals. What emotions do you want to feel?

What emotions would make a difference if you were feeling them? Some people might choose to be strong or courageous. Or grounded or grateful. Others might opt to feel calm and centered. Or maybe it’s something else entirely. What’s great is that you get to choose. And your body knows how to generate these feelings because it’s done so before. So I invite you to consider how you want to feel while you’re moving forward. What emotions would you like to be the primary emotions in your life?

Take a moment to feel what success will feel like, as you’re achieving your life goals. Imagine how you’ll feel when you’ve reached your goal and you’re living life the way you want. Breathe deeply and feel that confidence throughout your entire body.

Recall times when you mastered something new. There were countless instances in the past when you weren’t sure of how to do something new. As a baby there were so many things you had to learn. And many of these things took multiple tries until you could excel at them. And that was just fine. You continued until you became competent. Keep in mind how many items you’ve mastered.

Think of a time when something you learned had been quite challenging. Perhaps you had even wondered if you could succeed. There may have been hesitation, concern, or even worry. And yet, now you might look back and realize that although it was a challenge… it wasn’t as difficult as you had imagined. Isn’t it true that many of the things you once thought were challenging… things that require intense concentration as you were learning them… became automatic? Keep this in mind with new endeavors.

Have a solution-based mindset of “I’ll deal with whatever comes up.” It’s important to remember that life is about dealing with issues that arise. Isn’t it true that you can likely deal with whatever emerges? And you can learn what you’ll need to know while moving forward toward your life goals.

Tap into your inner resources. You have so many resources…more than you know…and you never know how far they can go… until you move forward—one step at a time. Be strong. You’re wired for resilience and strength. Thousands of years of programming in your DNA allow you to access your inner resources.

Recall a time when you were very connected to your resources…a time when you felt resourceful and strong. And if you have difficulty recalling these feelings, remember that imagination is stronger than knowledge. So just imagine what that would have been like. And feel these feelings - of strength, confidence - or the emotions you want to feel. Cultivate these feelings every day as you move forward.

Connect to external resources. We’re more powerful when we accept help from others. Confident people ask for help. Asking for advice or help is a sign of strength. And it’s a compliment to the person whom you’re asking. The more you ask for assistance and make connections, the easier it becomes. Cultivate this strength. BE STRONG.

You may notice more and more possibilities… even those you may not have expected. And I don’t know if you’ll notice that some things have shifted… there are so many ways you can notice that you have changed.

Things to remember when starting something new:

- Get clear on why it’s important to start something new.

- Connect to times in the past when you successfully learned new things.

- Have a solution-based mindset: you’ll deal with whatever comes up.

- Acknowledge your inner critic and give it appreciation.

- Choose the primary emotions you want to feel as you’re launching something new.

- Tap into your inner resources.

- Use external resources.

Let’s Keep Growing Through Middle Age and Beyond

My biggest fear isn’t dying. I’m afraid of not growing – Mental growth, social growth, emotional growth. All types of personal growth.

I've been hungry for growth for as long as I can remember. As a child, I read voraciously. And not always things that were necessarily age-appropriate. I often snuck a flashlight into bed at night and would read until the early morning, expanding my knowledge, curiosity, and imagination. I always wanted to know more. And reading provided an incredible escape for me..

When I was 14, I read “How to Buy Stocks” by Peter Lynch. Growing up in a household where there was never quite enough money and instability was the norm, I was determined to make money on my own. And I did. In my twenties, as a young upstart on Wall Street, my personal growth was about setting go als, handling challenges, and making sense of emotions that had been suppressed as a child. And, of course, I was focused on the growth of my bank account.

In my early thirties, growth was about growing teams and people. I dove into the study of psychology and human behavior to help myself and others grow. I was still attempting to make sense of parts of my childhood. Therapy helped a bit, but it didn’t change patterns that resulted from early imprints.

And then, my husband and I had two children, which provided for all kinds of growth.

Walking on hot coals with Tony Robbins was a catalyst for my personal and professional growth.

I focused on nonprofit endeavors in the mental health and educational areas. I did deep inner work with everyone from Tony Robbins to Sheila Kelley (who taught me pole dancing at 50…more in another blog) to monks in India. I realized that what I had always loved was helping others grow. It became clear that much of my success in the financial sector was more about my understanding of psychology and human behavior than my number crunching skills.

In my early forties, after walking on hot coals and seeing people transform in front of my eyes as they were coached, I was inspired to become a life coach. I trained intensely in multiple schools and programs to understand what drives people’s behavior. I also hired a mentor who was a top coach in the industry.

Applying the same rigor I had used to become a top analyst on Wall Street, I soon realized that many people (including me) had deep patterns that were difficult to change by working exclusively with the conscious mind.

Looking for a better way to create transformative change, I studied hypnosis with many of the top thought leaders in the industry so that I could help my clients transform beyond what they had imagined. As I broke through my ingrained patterns with astonishing speed using hypnosis, I shared every tool and technique with my clients. As I keep growing exponentially, so did they. And they inspired me to grow farther still.

If you want to grow, it's essential to forgive and move on.

Today, at 56, I'm passionate about helping women in midlife who want to experience personal growth, including professional growth. There is so much more inside of us than we often realize.

Every woman has magic in her, and I love to help extract it. Most middle-aged women also have heavy burdens of disappointment, hurt, or regret. I explain to them that to forgive is not to condone. Instead, it frees us from that negative energetic connection with those that hurt us. I help them let that go so they can feel lighter, freer, and share their gifts. Once those burdens are gone, they are much more radiant, and free. They can then grow with passion and joy.

I believe strongly in leveraging the tremendous power of the subconscious mind using hypnosis. It makes growth so much faster and easier than you can imagine. Once my clients break free of their old programming, they find that the second half of their life is a new beginning.

I was afraid to put myself on social media.

And as one of my teachers, John Overdurf, says, "All we are is change." The world is changing, and so are we.

It's up to us to decide if that change is characterized by contraction or growth.

I was scared to put myself "out there" on social media. Everyone told me it’s necessary if I want to help women grow on a broader scale. So, I’m doing it. For me, this is stretching and growing. It's a little out of my comfort zone, which is a good sign. Growth happens outside of our comfort zones.

Let’s keep growing.

Personal growth is a journey that never truly ends. It's important to continue to challenge yourself, set goals, and strive for self-improvement, regardless of age. For middle-aged women, this can mean taking on new challenges, learning new skills, or trying new things.

Remember to be kind to yourself, celebrate your successes, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Together, we can keep growing and become the best versions of ourselves.

How would you like to stretch and grow?

Make Your Second Half of Life Better Than Your First

Midlife Crisis in Middle-Aged Women

Calling all midlife women…I have an invitation for you, to take back your power. Let’s not dwell in sadness about getting older. Just because we’re midlife women doesn’t mean we should accept that exhaustion or feeling washed up is a normal part of aging.

How about if we vehemently challenge the heinous lie that our best years are over? It’s time for middle-aged women to realize that we are primed and ready to use all the experience, wisdom, and resources that we gathered in our first half of life to make our second half of life even more meaningful.

Midlife Crisis in Middle-Aged Women

But first, ask yourself the following: how many middle-aged women do you know who seem to have faded? One day she’s slaying it in her career, juggling the endless demands of her gifted and sporty kids, posting vacation pics with her husband, and volunteering.

She seems to have it all under control. And then something changes. You see her, and she’s quieter. Drained of life force and hiding away.

Maybe her kids went off to college, and she’s wondering what’s left for her now. Perhaps those kids are making poor decisions or suffering emotionally, and she feels powerless to help.

Maybe her relationship ended. If not, it’s likely lost its luster. And she’s wondering, “Is this all there is? Are my best days behind me? What happened to my dreams?”

She feels betrayed by others and herself

Meanwhile, if the husband is now an ex, he may be dating women twenty-five years younger. She feels betrayed. By her body, which is raging with hormonal surges that feel like lightning and tornadoes striking her from within.

Betrayed by others, who may judge her as past her prime — and betrayed by herself because she wants more out of life, but she can’t seem to motivate herself to change her circumstances.

A middle-aged woman may feel frustrated about the few extra pounds she’s gained but hasn’t yet given up her wine or late-night snacks. Worse, her motivation seems to have evaporated.

She may have sunk to watching episodes of The Real Housewives because they allow her to see other middle-aged women in crisis and at least feel good about the fact that she doesn’t have any friends that treat her as badly as those females treat each other.

Is her inner flame actually extinguished? She craves connection, but she may not want sex. Not with the extra pounds and the potential of having to risk another disappointment. She feels like she has nothing left to give.

It looks and feels like a midlife woman in crisis. Only she’s not running after a boy toy. She’s just plain stalled out.

So, what’s a once high-performing woman who’s now in this midlife slump to do?

Her inner flame is still there…it simply needs to be turned up. She can absolutely take her power back. It’s important to start challenging the old, toxic beliefs about older women. You know, the ones about how women age and men just look more distinguished? The ones about a middle-aged woman going through physical and emotional challenges, and so on…

What if she celebrates her age and makes it the best it can be? She can wake up her life force — with art, dance, walks in nature, volunteering, or simply re-connecting with what brings her joy.

It's very important for her to connect with others. But not with just anyone. She must surround herself with women who elevate her. Women who are supportive, positive, and who want to grow. Women who know how to make your life better.

If we’re not growing, we’re withering

It’s essential to realize when we’re not living up to our full potential. Most growth lies just outside our comfort zone, which means it can be a little bit scary. But we must grow. Because if we’re not growing, we’re withering. It’s important to set goals that make us catch our breath a bit. That’s when we know we’re stretching and growing.

Our 50s, 60s, and even 70s can be very productive decades when we can do things that would not have been possible before. We can learn from women who are doing inspiring things and making the second half of their life better.

While growing and evolving, it’s important that we go easy on ourselves. We must forgive ourselves for anything we’re blaming ourselves for. Resentments, anger, and disappointments are massive energy drains that steal our joy and playfulness.

And it’s beneficial to move every day. Exercise keeps us younger and healthier. Dance is fantastic because it gets us into our feminine flow. Even a small amount can make a big difference. All these things answer the question “how to make your life better?”

As promised, here’s my invitation to you. Having worked with countless women in my HypnoCoaching practice, I have created a community for middle-aged women to connect, shine, elevate, and inspire each other.

Consider this group a sacred sisterhood where you can share inspiring stories, your wins, your losses, and most of all, your love. Let’s empower and elevate each other. We can grow and age joyfully — making the second halves of our lives the best yet.

You are cordially invited to join our sacred sisterhood. The doorway to a renewed sense of purpose in life is here. You just have to open it.